Damages

so, it's been awhile... I feel slightly torn up emotionally as a result of the events of the last few months, the principle reason I've written anything here, dating this girl.

I am really happy right now though. Life is treating me very well. I have been super busy with everything that I have before me... I have hard classes, and 2 jobs, basically. I am busy. I am dating again, but it feels pushed. I don't think I am really ready to let anyone else into my heart... I don't think the doorway is open right now. I get really torn, I am stoked to go on a date because she will be an awesome girl, but the next day, I will be dreading the event... it kinda sucks... I just wish I could be myself again, just want to have fun.... but I am looking for something meaningful because I've been giving myself in a meaningful way without being truly reciprocated and even that was so enjoyable compared to the worthless dating I had been doing before.

Because of that, I am stuck in my little limbo world. I want to date because that is what I would be doing as a single man again, but at the same time, I want to have the old closeness to an individual that I felt. I knew she would listen, I knew she would care. I knew I could always talk to her. The negative was that she wouldn't ever open up to me the way I would to her.

I want to be back to a grounded position where I don't fluctuate in my interest levels... I want to be semi-normal again... Well, what's life without a challenge... I just don't like the ones I don't know how to overcome...