BLAH!!!

Words cannot describe my frustration at the current situation and at my inability to do anything more than hope. All my frustration tends to come full circle from the situation and get pointed at myself and then I get sad. I'm sad. I hurt. My stone heart is cracking... I can't see how I can succeed and I just want the pain to go away so that I can focus on life again without distraction. I suppose that the flaw in that thought process is that I am not really living life with my heart and when I do, for once, I want to run away to protect myself from the pain that can occur.... Wish granted... I said I wanted to experience some heartache... I think I am getting a delivery.... Dumb Ryan.... stop wishing you could grow! This is what you get, real feelings, and the real pain that follows because nothing will ever work out for you because that is just the way it goes.... I don't really believe that. I don't believe that at all. I know something will work out.... the only question is when? And the other "only" question is; Can I survive until then? Answer: Ba-na-na.... Co-co-nut....