Well, I did it, I talked to her about things. I told her that I would miss her when she leaves. I told her that I wished she wasn't leaving. We discussed things, she basically told me that there is competition that causes her to be very reticent to enter a relationship. I talked to her about my history and how I feel like I know what I look for. She told me about her past relationships and the things she learned from them. It was a very interesting conversation and I think I acted like an idiot again. We talked about some of the ways I view the world and I think she came to understand why I have acted so strangely around her. Who knows what is going on? We are a little closer to knowing and understanding each other now that the avenue of conversation has been opened, but it hasn't solved any problems yet... I guess that all I know right now is that I haven't killed it yet. There is still hope for this... I hope it works out positively for me, because I am definitely emotionally involved to the point of getting hurt if things never work out. I am falling for her!
I have come to realize the importance of one of her phrases. She told me that she dated a boy who was very bad for her for 10 months. He liked his understanding of who she was. She was constantly pressured by him to be a specific aspect of her personality instead of the package deal. I think that she is concerned that I like her so much. She feels I must be doing the same thing that this former guy did. I feel that there could be some truth to it, but I think that there can be a progression in it. I feel like I would like to know her well enough to like the real her. I feel like she is very concerned about that and I want to be sure that I am sincere in my interest in the real her. I definitely am not motivated by anything other than wonder and awe with the person she is thus far, and the key, I believe, is that I want to know everything about her. I want to get to know the entire package so that I can like the complete person that she is. It takes time, all that I can say at this point is that everything I know of her I like. What comes next, I don't know and that can only be approached when it comes my way.
1 comment:
I think you have it pretty well figured out Ryan. A true friend (as you know thats how a marriage starts) must really want to know everything and accept them for who they are, not who they want them to be. I dont think this is really any big news for you but a little reminder. You knew what you needed to do and through some gentle prodding you have done it. You may not have received the kind of respond that you wanted but you knew what you didnt want and you didnt get it so that is definately a big plus. Only time can cultivate the relationship and considering the circumstances that may take a little while but remember to have patience. You can also need to remember what you have learned from this whole experience and realize that if by some strange sequence of events things dont work out, you have learned some valuable life lessons that will only help you in your future relationships(if there are any).
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