Progression

Hmm, well, here I am two and a half weeks later. I drove the girl to her new school, knowing that the way things were wouldn't be returning. Things were so not where I wanted them to be, but at least they were good in some way.
Now, I am just even more confused. The conversation has just progressed since she moved away from me. Now, I think we are even closer than we had ever been... She stopped by to see me, eat some food, and stand up during her cross-country drive. There is nothing I want more than to hear that she is over the guy and wanting to pursue a relationship with me.
I crave that news... but I am getting more and more frightened and nervous about what is going to happen now that she has returned from her Christmas break and is at her new school... with him. I want her to be happy... but I also want to be happy...
Even though I want things to work out... I'm scared that they will work out, because then it won't be getting easier... It will be harder, almost, but it would be so worth it to be able to call her mine. She is so amazing that I can't stand it. I am struggling...
I have been feeling so torn... I just want to talk to her all the time, but I don't want to be clingy. She tends to wait for me to call her... I think that she just has the principle of "the guy calls" firmly entrenched... yet she will call... but she has to wait until it's been longer than I want it to have been... She misses me, I miss her, but I have a hard time waiting for her to call me... I get fragile and insecure about the relationship we do have because I don't know where she stands right now... I don't think she does either... so what good would it do to talk about it?
She knows what I want. She knows that I will support her decisions... She knows that I will treat her right... She knows I will support her with everything that I can give; but it's hard for me to continue to have a hope for things, when there is so much distance involved, so much history, and so much failure. I miss her, I wish we were together, but right now, I think I need to be strong and hold out for her phone call...