Feeling incompetent

You may be surprised that this isn't a familiar sensation for me.  However, my ill-guided pursuit of nerdiness, apparently, knows no bounds.

I'm currently pecking this out under a new keyboard layout, programmer Dvorak. While I felt that the dividends would validate the investment... I'm not so sure while travailed.

So, currently, I've progressed from a comfortable 60-70 wpm to a halting 10-15 and now I can't even find my number keys.  What I've discovered is some understanding of what illiteracy must feel like.  I can't communicate via type so I have found myself not typing.  My emails have become terse and my mood testy.  And worse of all, my muscle memory is confused; when I was on a different work computer today I couldn't even use a QWERTY keyboard with any dexterity.  

Maybe next time I have a crazy idea, I should write down my reasoning so I can remind myself why I'm doing it when I break something useful, like my ability to interact in our computing world.  I'm curious to see if I quit or if stubbornness will drive me to completion.

Tradition

Well, I think I need to make another blog once I'm over my venting habit, but why fight the status quo?  I just spent 3 months pursuing a girl that was quite a bit different than any girl I'd dated prior.  Anyway, things didn't work out, but I realize that as much as that can hurt, I'm really just glad to have seen the potential happiness.  Kinda lame, perhaps, but I am grateful to have this attitude.  I think that I've learned, again, that I can have sincere interest and the potential to love a girl (It wasn't serious, but I saw the potential).

See, sometimes I don't think that will happen.  I think that all I'll ever find is disappointingly dry and uninteresting interactions with girls who seemed interesting at first.  So, essentially, the failures seem to just be another education in continuing to hope.  Now, I'm still angry and a little upset at the schizophrenic way things just ended, but at least I can hope again.  Back to the circus...